Endometriosis

i've always known there was something wrong with me, but i didn't know i was this messed up..

basically endometriosis is where tissues and cells that grow in the uterus are found outside the uterus and around that area. i don't know..

i went to the doctors today to get pain killers cause i've had cramp like pain even though i wasn't on my period. he referred me to the ob/gyn next door and i got a pelvic exam and a ultrasound.

imagine how i was feeling laying on this.. table with my legs spread out and some doctor poking around. fuck, i've never felt so naked before.

but what she found was that i most likely have endometriosis and these pains that i'm getting can mean that i have cysts in my ovary(s). she can't confirm it and has to wait on the blood taste. the only reason why my doctor never diagnose it is because you can only confirm this with laproscopic surgery.

honestly i don't know what to think. i mean my periods have always been irregular and i've always had really bad stomach cramps. but i didn't think it was this bad, but i should have known. i mean there were days where i was just unable to do anything expect lay in bed curled up waiting for the pain to be over. and it wasn't just in my stomach area, it went from my back all the way down to my thighs.

and so, i have an appointment friday at flushing hospital to get a x-ray to see if i do have ovarian cysts. in some cases i can live with the cysts in my ovary but in other, i might need surgery.

she said that i will probably never have kids and i'll mostly likely have surgery.

i don't know how to take in all of these information in.