You're a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot too. We both are.

Let's be real here; you never wanted to be with me cause simply put if you did, we would have been long time ago.

But you kept me strumming along all this time and I didn't know what to think. All these months, I settled for the next best thing; which was spending all those time with you.

I wasn't happy. You weren't either.

Cause obviously I would get jealous, and I would bitch cause I wanted you all to myself and you didn't want to be tied down at all.

Fuck you & you're mixed signals. That night when you left back in July, you told me you "loved" me, while knowing that I lied to you. And even when we started talking again you told me you didn't want to go back or be in a relationship "not now, but maybe later"

So I settled.

Fuck that shit. See today seeing, all those lovely screen shots just made me sick to my stomach cause those are the things I want for you & I. It made me realize that you weren't going to ever feel that way with me. I just wanted to cut off all ties with you cause I blamed myself; that I wasn't good enough.

Wrong.

Seeing that today made all of my emotions just exploded and I don't want to settle anymore. What pisses me off is that you're always acting all smug with me, but how is it that you're incapable of showing ME, any emotions?

When that was what I wanted from you all along.

It made me so sad and angry at the same time; and I didn't know what the fuck to do. You, of course got mad at me while I was thinking about you, and your damn happiness. And you couldn't even see that, cause you're always assuming that I'm assuming the worst out of you. While the truth is, I just wanted what was best for you.

But we always bring out the worst in each other.

You push me so far and in turn I push you back just as far. That's why you're only like that with me and that's why I'm only like this with you.

I've been struggling with my emotions all night and it feels like a damn roller coaster ride. In the end, I realized that the best thing for us was to just go our separate ways.

Things haven't been the same since July.

You changed and you left me and I think there will always be a part of me that will never forgive you for what you put me through. I went through some of the worst times of my life, begging you to come talk to me, but you stood there and just watched and did nothing.

Sad thing is, you don't even realize how much you've hurt me.

But in all honestly, I miss YOU so much and it really tears me apart knowing that you're so close but so far out of reach. I wish I would have done some things differently, but what's the point? We're at where we are now; there's not much to say, is there? This is how things are now and there's no use looking back.

There's only moving forward; you left a big hole in my heart and I'm still waiting for that void to be filled.

& life still goes on, with or without you.