Maybe you'll find your way to this & maybe you won't

We're fighting again and it's no surprise there. And like usual you're ignoring me while I'm bombarding your phone with numerous calls, but in a way I can understand. I know how pissed off I can get you and how annoyed you can get with me and I guess I'll leave you alone.

But I just want to say that I'm truly sorry for everything. Oh it just kills me to know that I make you so miserable; the most you've ever been in your life. I want nothing more than to make you feel like the happiest guy alive but I don't know how. Most of the time, I'm so crazy worrying over the fact that I might lose you. So I try to keep you 'locked up' to stay with me and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I guess it's cause it's happened before and I know how it feels like when you walk out of my life and I don't want that to happen ever again. I don't seem to realize the more pushy I'm being, the more I'm losing you.

I guess it back fired, huh?

You know that when we first met and when we first started talking, you made me the happiest girl ever. I never felt that way with anyone else before and it scared me cause you had no idea by just saying a few words to me, you got my whole heart in the palm of your hand. You could shatter when and however you want and I was so scared to let you in.

Guess if I knew what was going to happen between us, I wouldn't have been so scared back then.

But my point is, I loved the attention that you gave me before and you bought me on a whole new level. And these past months, I've been wanting nothing more than to have that back. It drives me nuts cause how do I get you back? I'm always worrying over things and I don't know how to keep these fear and doubts away.

I really wish I can stop being so miserable and just go with the flow. I guess it's safe to say that I do tend to be more emotional than rational.

Maybe we spend too much time together and that's why this happened. I mean that's why I suggested we not talk to each other for awhile and see how things go from there, but you have no idea how hard it is going to be for me.

To be honest, I don't even know if I can live without you. I hate admitting that and I hate being so dependent on you. Going three days without talking to you just made me so much more damn miserable and I have no idea how I can go even a month without you. It's so unhealthy, I know but you can be fine -in fact, I think you'll actually like- being without me, but I'm not.

And that's another I don't like; you have all the power in this relationship and I hate it. For once I just wish you can just listen to me without questioning me and just go with it.

I don't know. We're not even in a relationship and look at all our problems. Well actually my problems with us.

But simply put, I just want us to go back to November; that week before Thanksgiving where we first started talking. And yeah I know exactly how many other girls you were talking to back then -_- but I would like to fall in love with you all over again...

WHERE THIS TIME MAYBE YOU'D BE IN LOVE WITH ME TOO.

P.S. : We don't have to be together 24/7 and I don't mind if you go out with your friends but I would just like to know that at the end of the day, I'll have you with me and where we can have some alone time. Just you & me; nothing else. NO MUSIC, NO WOW, NO COMPUTER.

& I'm sorry if that's too much for me to ask for but that's all I've wanted for months now.