Ahaha, d'awwwwwh.

I think last year I said something to C along the lines of "happy 1st holiday together" on Halloween & today he texts me. Ahaha wow, he still remembers that shit. ROFL!

Cutecutecute.

So woke up early & took Tiff. & Angie & their other friend trick or treating early in the afternoon. And stole some of their candy, ahaha. Trick or treating is no fun in the afternoon, lols T__T.

& was gonna stop at the party at Monster & go to Mulan with Sunny& Alex but ughhhhhT_T STUPID WOW! I really wanted to be at Mulan though.... FML! & FUCK THIS WOW ADDICTION..

I feel so fucking vulnerable with you. And fuck, I hate this feeling. It's like you have my heart in the palm of your hands; you can either break it or make it whole again.

So pick me, choose me, love me.

Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with me.

I know you'd never see this, but fuck I wish you did cause then maybe you'd help me understand this a bit more. But knowing you and how I stress the fuck out of you, you probably wouldn't.

Fuck, I can't take this shit. I'm not gonna lie to myself about how I fucking feel about you.

The truth is I want to be with you and I want the whole package. I want you to fall for me just like how I've fell for you. I want you to love me despite all my flaws and most of all I want you to be with me.

I'm not much better than any other girls and this is me; I'm not the funniest girl, I don't say all of the right things. Most of the time I don't know what the hell to say. I don't have an exciting life and I'm horrible at telling stories. I tend to be sarcastic but that's how I deal with things and yes I've lied. But I was looking out for my best interest. Guess that makes me selfish.

And fuck, I don't want to wait for you anymore. I don't want to wait for you to open your eyes one day and realize that I'm worth it. I'm always lying to myself how I don't want you but fuck, I do. And I do so badly.

And most of all, I want to be that person for you; the one you first want to talk to when something happens. The one that you want to go to when your sad or down. Or when your happy. Just anything.

I WANT YOU TO NEED ME.

And honestly I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. I wish so much I didn't feel any of this, but I do and I hate it. And if I came to you and told you this straight out, you'd shut me out completely.

I don't want to compete with another girl for you; I'm not that type. And right now, I don't want to be the type that sticked around even though there's another girl that wants the same thing from you.

That's not me. I'm not better than her or whatever. I don't fall into that cliche. But I don't know if I'm strong enough to walk away. I don't want to go through that again and I don't want to hurt like that again...

I can't believe I'm watching MILF the movie, but ughh fuuuuuuckkkkk...
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawns. Got some new facial masks downstairs from Sephora & I lovelovelove it. Makes my skin feel so soft & gives it so much moisture.

Anyways, I wanna go volunteer at dog shelters or something. But fuck, I don't even know where to go look for one. I just wish that there was some way I can go and help the doggys out in some way cause I know there's like a lot of stray dogs and some of them are in such bad conditions and it just breaks my heart & I just wanna take care of them T______T.....

Sighhhhhhh & plus it would look good on my resume wouldn't it?

This would be my room, if I had my own room. I want a bunk bed & underneath would be my computer desk; book case by the side & a nice big board on the wall to the right where I can put up pictures & stuff. I want a white wall, no posters; so tacky . But instead I want to hang photographs on the walls & uhm rug in the middle of the room with throw pillows so I can just like lay on it to read & stuff.

If only~~~~~~ Sighs

Idk why all of a sudden I decided to make this in MS paint; not bad tho lols.

LOL.

"I guess" I THINK I'M STARTING TO HATE THOSE TWO WORDS.

Seriously? WTF DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU? A DOORMAT?

Yeah, it took a lot out of me to actually apologize & all I get is "I GUESS"? REALLY? WTF IS THAT?

STUPID LITTLE SHIT.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

If you can't even take me seriously THEN WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BOTHER.

Fuck, this is pissing me off so much.

It's NOTTTTTTTTTT FUNNNN being drunk by yourself & it's only 8. WTFFFF.

Mmmmmmmmh, so I've been thinking. What exactly did I fucking do?? OVER AND OVER. TIME & TIME AGAIN.

Cause it's NOT FAIR. To me anyways. Yup, I'm so mature, crying about how life is not fair; but seriously IT'S JUST NOT.

I TIRED HARD; doing this & that for you. I EVEN WENT AND FUCKING GOT NAKED; I regret everything.

I should've just said FUCK IT , a long time ago. I don't care anymore. I really don't. I give too much and I never got back.

It's not fair. WHEN WILL IT BE MEEEEEEEEEEE; I WAITED LONG ENOUGH FOR FUCK'S SAKE. ALMOST ONE FUCKING YEAR.

God, I'm just so tired of it all.

On top of that the highlight of my day was seeing this dead guy being wheeled out of a building; yeah lovely.

Saturday!

I don't wanna be alone tonight.. The only reason why I don't go out is cause I can't face everyone.. after what happened with D..

But ugh, today. I just don't wanna be alone! & no one wants to chill. Lols, fml. =__=

Comfort food & movies in bed ALLLLLLLLLDAY! Ugh. & a bottle of sujo; mmmmmmh, i'll just drink by myself.

Fucking sad, whatevers though.

Sick and tired of bullshit..

God, I'm such an idiot.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Hi,

It's freezing and I'm cold. Can someone come cuddle with me right now & just keep me warm all night long? :(

Really hate wearing jeggings sometimes, ughh.

Why are my dreams better than reality .....

=_= I think I have a serious case of LOVE SICK-ness. Rofls. So I chose to ignore the nice guys cause I'm scared that I'm just going to be settling.

& the only guy who seems to want me just wants me as a fuck buddy. Which pisses me off like crazy cause he hits me up all the fucking time with "hey baby, I'm so horny. Wanna come over& play with me" <- shit like that & I just wanna like punch him in the face.

Even tho, I ignore him all the time, he still doesn't get it & he still does it. Isn't that called harassment?!

& as for the one guy I sort of want? Well I don't know how I feel anymore cause it's been a long time since he's gotten me to that whole lovey-dovey high & I'm just not feeling it anymore. But still, I'm a good friend & I care about him.

Oh & my dream? I dreamed that we were happy; in the beginning part of a relationship which is always the best part. Buttttt then I woke up & yaknow. We're at the point of no return, so what wth do I do now?

Probably wait for the next one to come along, but damn. It's been fucking long & I'm way over my head with this love sick feeling.

My life is fucking sad.

...

I can't take it anymore.
I hate this. I hate everything. WTF DO I DO.
I feel like I'm about to explode.
& I just want to go so far away from here. But this is the only home I know...

BUT I CAN'T STAY HERE..
I just can't. I'm not gonna take anymore of this any longer...

Sighs.....

I wish i can go back in time & redo some stuff
but I cant
so what do I do

...

Okay, ahaha fuck it. I'm gonna stay a virgin & I'm gonna waitwaitwait 'till I'm married & it's gonna be special.

I mean. I've always wanted my first time to be with someone special & it's just something I want for myself. So I'm gonna wait & I'm gonna be happy about it.

:D

My heart sank but it's been a long time coming.

& I'm gonna be okay.

I'm glad my dad's back & all but UGHH. =_=

I can't walk around bra-less..

& today he walked in on me TWICE. ; when I was in a towel & when I was changing...

Gosh, =_= my parents don't knock & I need some damn privacy..

So I like playing WoW. It doesn't mean that I need a GUY =_=. I'm talking to Peter & he's insisting that what I need is BF.

LOL, I kind of learned that I don't need a guy to make me happy & I'm fineeeeee :D

On another note, officially dieting starting tomorrow. YAYYY. I can't wait!

Digging through my phone & I found this. I love legs. Their not perfect but their mine<3

我的快樂 會回來的

My happiness will come back.

Wow, of course I would turn out the way I did. I grew up listening to this crap..

"There was a time when I was all alone
Waiting for someone I could call my own
I closed my eyes and dreamt you up one day
My prince of charms would ride up and we'd fly a way
Take me to a place where
The magic between us becomes real

Take me all the way
Boy I want you to
Lock me in your heart and throw away the key
Show me love the way it's supposed to be
Lock me in your heart and never let me go
I must confess you are the best
So baby come and take me
Take me baby take me away "

=_=....

Ugh....so upset that my burgers came out terrible. =_______=I even bought out my pretty dishes to server them in!

I made potatoes wedges that was too salty .. my burger patty was too salty.. and got so burned. I couldn't stop crying cause of stupid onions.

Watching first ep of season 7 of Grey's Anatomy. Yawnnnnnnns. Ugh sdlkafjdslakjfdsakljf

Kay I'm going back to bed, fuck this T_T

I wish I was more mature to handle some things. But I'm not and sometimes I can be so damn naive. And I can't help it. It's just who I am.

Definitely not one of my strengths and it's what gets me hurt all the time..

Sighs.. WHY CAN'T I JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT NOT EVERYTHING IS ALL BLACK & WHITE.

Still despite all the let downs, disappointments, I can't help but still hope and think that things will turn out for the best

那一天雨停了
心跳卻無法停止

I miss AC. But I never even got to finish it.

原來愛情從來都沒離開過, 只是我記得,你忘了

I should be sleeping right now but I can't so here goes;

One of my biggest pet peeves is when girls wear eyeliner but on the top lid only. It's like WTF?! Did you get lazy & forget your lower ones? I'm not a makeup guru or anything but I used to be pretty big on makeup and it just annoys the hell out of me when you're just gonna wear one layer eyeliner & that's it.

When you have eyeliner on your botton lid, it makes your eyes pop up especially for asian girls but it doesn't matter if your Asian, White, Black. WHATEVER. It still makes your eyes stand out and correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the only reason why people put on eye makeup in the first place is so their eyes can POP OUT!?

I see some girls with eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, EVERYTHING done on their top lid.. but the bottom is completely empty. Wth was the point of that? =_=

ARGH, it just annoys me so much. I know that most people don't wear a bottom layer of eyeliner is cause they think it makes their eyes look smaller but that's not true. It's the opposite and you just have to know how to work with what you have.

Ahaha okay. I'm done. But I'm more of a fake eyelash kind of girl, LOL.

Sooooooooooooooo freaking cold. :( YAWWWWWWWWNS. I'm tired & I hate winter & the cold weather.

I wanna order from gmarket but no CC & saw this cute couples cell phone chain & I want.

&& goshhhhhhhhhhh -_-I'm horrible at saying at dealing with shit. SO instead I choose to ignore and pretend my problems doesn't exist & I'm fine with it.

SIGHS. He said "go to dinner with me". I mean , it's what I want right? A nice guy & all BUT I want more than that. I want the butterflies, the excitement & I get none of that from him. But SERIOUSLY, the first time I talk to him in months today & he asks me out?!!? UGH NO.

I told him off last time when he asked me out months ago, & he's still asking me out. Omgawd, SOME PEOPLE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE =__________=

& Like this other guy who won't stop calling me. Geez, first I talked to him once about WoW last weeek & then all of a sudden he keeps calling me. Omgosh I ignore all of his calls, texts, ims, & shit. Can he get a hint please. & he lives in Cali & I met him on MapleStory.

GOD.

Can a really amazing guy come into my life right now. I'm tired of these stupid little boys THAT ANNOYS ME SO MUCH. =_=

This is me giving me up.

I don't care anymore. And I won't. No matter what.

Cause I can't do it anymore. I'm broken, I'm defeated. I'm tired of giving my all and getting nothing back.

I gave it my everything. It's like how some people say that Love is like a gift to give away. And well, I don't get any appreciation back.

I'm not desperate to fall in love. I just NEED someone to cherish me and appreciate me for all that I've done.

I NEED that right now. Cause I'm like falling to pieces and I need to know that I'M worth it. That's why I keep trying. That's why I never gave up.

But I'm tired and exhausted and I can't seem to pick myself back again up.

I want the snowfall kind of love
'Cause I'm a snowfall kind of girl
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Mine in two days<3 Lovelovelove the ruffle skirt & the top is causal so I can wear this out to anywhereeeee; & pair it off w/ scarf, cardigan, béret & flats. OMG, can't wait to wear this ouuuuuut.

I love CLOTHES. & Fall too. I think Fall = best outfits. & you can accessorize the best in Fall. Not with jewelry but with scarves, belts, cute little jackets, etc, etc. Loveeeeeeeeit. :D