Today was fun (:

Woke up at 12.. slept for four hours only. Ugh. Met up with Erika & Sunny.
Went to Macys for a couple of hours.
Red Mango & got our nails done.
Then we came back & made tacos. Haha!


Made a mess in my kitchen. T__T. They left & I just cleaned up. So tired..

Life is okay. So much stuff on my mind though.

Sunny&Erika
We were best friends in eighth grade. The three of us did everything together. Well sort of. Back then it was fun. Then high school started & everything fell apart. Lost contact with Sunny for awhile then in senior year, the three of us became close again. T__T. I love them. I really do, but I don't even know. Things just feel so.. ehh with them now.

Sigh. I don't know. I'm not sinking into depression or anything but it's like even though I love them & everything, it just doesn't feel right anymore. I'm not sure how to explain..

It's like I have close friends I guess, but not a best friend. I don't tell them about fucking JOHN -_-. Cause they won't understand & I don't want to go into detail. They've been so damn busy with school.. and volunteer and whatever. & we've been just kind of on our own lately. I guess. & THEY STILL ARE BUSY. -___- doing work now.

It seems like everything changed. I changed I guess. I don't feel like I FIT IN anymore. I mean it's like I have different groups of friends. Ugh. But I barely talk to the ABBC people now. Not since last summer at least. I feel so damn lost sometimes.

I just want to get on a plane and leave New York. I want to leave US! I don't know. I just want to go somewhere and meet new people. I'm tired of living here. I wanna go to Shanghai... I miss it so much. Not like I'd fit in there with my 'family' though. -_- LOL. Everyone hates me cause I'm supposedly doing so much better cause I'm in "mei guo". Lol bs -_- I hate them too! Whatever fuckers. I don't even know any of them though...& they don't fucking know me , BUT THEY FUCKING JUDGE ME ALL THE TIME. Like LOLstfu.

Sigh. Only the big auntie.. and her family. But she passed away .. three years ago.. I miss her so much.. she was more of a mother to me than my MOM or god mother. I miss her.. Her death anniversary is coming up in Sept.. I want to go visit her grave or something. I just miss her so much and she really understood me...

& then there's her son & his wife. They have a baby now ... it used to be fun. But at least we still have two apartments in Shanghai. I want to go back so badly. But I can't just leave everything and go. I don't know. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!