so i spent the past two hours throwing up and trying to calm down my stomach cramps. i shouldn't haven taken so much damn sleeping pills. but i feel better now and my head seems to be much more clearer.

so here's the thing. even though i'm the one who messed up by lying and breaking his trust, i'm not the one who walked away. he made that choice himself and the thing that really upsets me is that why are we going through this right now when we can be together and be okay and work out this whole mess.

but he made his choice. why did i expect anyways. he's always bailing when things get tough. i should've known things weren't going to work out. when i was with him, i felt like sometimes i couldn't speak my mind cause i knew it'd piss him off. and then we'd get into an argument and he'd give me the silent treatment.

i definately don't believe that everything happens for a reason. but we never seem to work out. never. maybe we're just not really meant for each other. but it really upsets me that every single time, he never once stayed around. never.

he never once came back and said "hey i love you. and i want to work things out between us. i love you and i'm in it for the long run" oh i wish. but i know that's not him.

it's just really hard when i wanted so much for things to work out.