no one would even come close to understand what i feel.

see, i loved someone. with all my heart and i gave and gave. i fought for him and i cared for him and i gave all of myself.

i endure the lies.. and the other girls.. cause i thought he was worth it. he was worth the pain and hurt.

but in the end, because i did one thing. i lied to him, he choose to ignore me and block me in every was possible. do you know what that feels like? when you love someone and they want nothing to do with you. nothing at all.

i lied. but my lies does not change how much i love him. but it was all my fault right? because i'm not allowed to make a mistake. cause he leaves .. just like that.

and instead he goes and fights .. to get his ex girlfriend back.

i thought it was worse.. before when he dumped me and went back to his ex right next day. but this.. this is even worse

because ... to him i'm nothing. like i'm no one. like i'm not worth it. that he can't bother to fight for me. because he doesn't want anything to do with me.

and in the end; it's my fault. i lost myself in this. i shouldn't have. but i lost .. all of me. and it makes me so sick.. cause i did .. so much.. all of my energy.. everything.. just thinking about.. the past year...

i can't anymore. i'm tired. and i hurt. so much. my whole entire being hurts. my soul hurts. and it's just too late to change everything..

he's made his point very clear; that i wasn't anything to him. and that i'm not worth the fight. not me, but her.

it's always been like that. i've never been first. always 2nd or 3rd or 4th.

i can't do this anymore. i just don't want to.. be in pain all the time. and i feel like there is nothing else i can do. no matter what .. i'm always hurting..suffering.. and i just want it to end.

i'm sorry. i know this is selfish of me. i don't blame anyone. and i believe that i will be okay.